Laura, a very accomplished and intelligent client of mine, was at that confusing point where she was stuck and couldn’t make a decision. She didn’t know what to do. She had the onslaught of thinking:
“I could do this”…or “I could do that”….or “maybe even something else.”
Laura felt even more confused. She was angry and she resented herself for noticing that she was no longer satisfied. “What’s wrong with me?” she asked. She tried to convince herself and that everything was okay in her life. She said,“It’s not that bad. I have a good life. Compared to a lot of other women, I’m probably lucky.” She spent a lot of time trying to smooth things over in her mind. She didn’t want to rock the boat. All the while knowing in her heart of hearts that all that rationalization was just a bunch of baloney.
Confusion gets a bad rap. We feel so uncomfortable and unsettled. No one really likes that. And yet, being confused means that we are considering new options. We’re thinking about things that may be out of the the box for us. So they’re out of our comfort zone.
It’s the good and bad news, isn’t it? Everything isn’t always straightforward and matter a fact when we’re on the path of growing and evolving who we are. Life’s pretty messy in general and when we’re confused, we’re heading into uncharted territory. It’s even messier.
The good news is that we create the map.
One of the first signs is that we start feeling some discomfort. We’re not satisfied. The situation we’re in isn’t acceptable to us any longer. We may even reach the super saturation point where we say we’ve had enough.
That’s a little scary or terrifying, depending on the situation. We all want to stay in our comfort zone, even when it’s uncomfortable. Living in the familiar place when it’s no longer suitable creates being in the unhealthy and potentially detrimental complacent zone.
Laura’s confusion was painful.
That pain lead her to work with me. Her first step was to explore where she was, what she wanted and why she wanted it.
She had to get her courage stoked up to even begin to imagine a different way of living. It’s not always so straightforward: good or bad, right or wrong.
Laura discovered the ability to really hang in there with herself and not let her anxiety call the shots. Her anxiety wanted her to hurry up with a quick fix or fall back into the old rut. Laura accepted her discomfort. She began to wrap her head around understanding acceptance. She realized that even if she didn’t like what she had to go through on the way to making a decision, it was necessary. When she wasn’t resisting reality any longer, it shifted things for her. Things opened up and she was able to move forward, even though she wasn’t quite clear on how things were going to end up.
Laura learned to trust the part of her that took the lead toward a greater sense of health and well being. She understood the value of partnering with me to explore her options. She redefined her confusion as the transition to her new life! In the end, she created the path that led her to having the adventure on the way to her new fulfilling reality.